El hombre dominicano

Men.

You could write a thesis on the Dominican man.  And the Haitian man in the Dominican Republic. And the European tourist in the Dominican Republic. There are many different types of men here, and I can only really talk about the men who go out to bars and nightclubs and who hang out on the street and who talk to foreign women. Because they´re the only ones I know well enough to write about. And the saga of the foreign, white man here is another blog post entirely.

WARNING: I am about to generalise massively.

The typical Dominican man here:

• Is manly. He like man things, like motorbikes. He also likes romantic latin music, strangely enough.
•  Dresses flashily when he goes out. Particularly the sanky pankys (to be discussed below).
• Tells you what he thinks you want to hear. Even if, bless him, it´s mostly very, very far off the mark.
• Amoroso. He tells you about he loves you while you´re dancing with him for the first time.
• Vocal in his appreciation for the beauty of the fairer sex. Whether you want to hear it or not.

The men that I meet out and about are Dominican and Haitian. They are generally under the age of 40, and over the age of 20. They often have children, but are rarely with the mother(s) of the child/children (if they were they wouldn´t be out talking to foreigners, or they wouldn´t tell you they were with the mother of their child). They are possessive – if a woman is talking to a group of men and talks more to one than the others, she is now his. Everyone else backs away. The woman may not know this but the man she is talking to and all his friends have designated her to him, by reading her signs. 

A single woman cannot normally be friends with a single man in this country. She may think she is, but that´s not what he, or anyone else, reads it as.

There are, of course, multiple exceptions. My American colleague is engaged to a lovely Dominican man who is polite, respectful, thoughtful and friendly with her colleagues and friends. There is the father of one of my students who is a community organiser and his daughter´s biggest fan. He´s friendly and respectful and communicates well with us. I know that my contact with Dominican men is limited to the men who are out and about and trying to talk to foreign women.

This leads us to sanky pankys.

Sanky pankys are the guys who try and get with foreign women for the benefits these liaisons bring. They go for women of all ages, and those that are on holidays and here year-round. These women end up being their “girlfriends” and maintain their “boyfriends” to some respect. It seems they might give money here and there to help a “sick relative”, and give gifts. Then when they visit, they have their “boyfriend” here. Some of these couples marry and leave the country, and apparently these marriages often end in divorce. There are, of course, happy relationships of equals that occur between foreigner women and Dominican men, and I bet it´s pretty annoying when people look at your relationship and presume there is a financial interest. But when you see the 50 year old Italian woman with a 22 year old handsome Dominican man, you are probably presuming rightly…

Luckily, for all those gals out there wondering if they´ve fallen for the Sanky Panky´s charms, there is a handy quiz to help you find out. A British woman who married a Dominican man (a non-Sanky Panky) writes this blog about regular, low-income life as a gringa in rural DR. This sanky panky-identifying quiz is there to guide the sisterhood when picking a local love. She also has a side business here with expat advice and help if all ends badly and sister needs to divorce her mister. Phew.